#metoo

I don’t mean to over pathologize or anything, but … I’m totally going to over pathologize. ;)

First, I feel really inspired by a few of the men in my field who are posting about their ally-ship and grief at all the Me Too posts. It feels sooooooooooooo good and supportive to hear your voices, and I immediately feel hope rising in my heart. Thank you! 

And I also notice I’m feeling what I would almost call a desperation for MORE from men. To me, it feels like the time is SO RIPE to make big moves in this area, and my heart loooongs for a real live Men’s Movement, one which is inspired and led by excellent men who know how to get through to other men, and can lead us out of this murky territory that ends up feeling like we are taking turns bashing each other: women are overreacting/men are assholes (to vastly oversimplify).

And, how fucked up is this, but in some ways, I notice I feel like a little girl, eager for her daddy’s approval, longing for the kind word that will soothe my aching heart that believes I have done something wrong, and that I deserved this treatment. And no other person on earth, no other reassurance, will do other than my daddy’s (yours). I need him to tell me it’s not my fault, that he’ll stand up for me, for that it never should have happened, and we’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. Yeah, like I said, pretty fucked up, and not a particularly powerful feminist stance, and yet, I think this feeling, and many un-evolved feelings like them, are also at the heart of the matter. 

And in my imagination, I sense that men feel a desperation too, to be seen as the good men they are, and all the good things they do all day log for us, for family, for the world. And maybe the lack of this acknowledgement locks them in place and prevents them from stepping forward and admitting their flaws and mistakes because they haven’t even been acknowledged for the good they do yet!  And maybe they fear they won’t be loved if they do reveal their mistakes. They’re longing for the acknowledgment from their mommies too. Pretty fucked up shit. 

OK, way over generalized, deeply pathologizing, and way less complicated than it really is, of course, but … you get my point?

Let me say it more clearly then: WE NEED EACH OTHER! We can’t help it. Fucked up-ness and all. We’re designed that way. Please, for the love of God, let us not take this movement as another opportunity to separate, isolate and blame. Let us receive it as the call for unity that it is, as the acknowledgment of our interdependence and NEED for one another. 

And please, brothers. Please hold our hands in this. Even if you think it’s fucked up, imperfect and not the right way to ask. The ONLY way through this is together.