Listening (even when I don't want to)

I have been listening with all my faculties here in Bali - heart, bones, blood and muscle, but especially with my soul’s ear. The sounds of the river, of the birds and mosquitos, pigs and roosters. Sounds of motor bikes, gamelan and gongs, and of the ground being shoved, dug and scraped for more and more and more villas and hotels and restaurants being endlessly built on this precious island. Inside all of this, a gentle whisper floats amidst the chaos. “Here,” she says, “there,” “now this.” “What’s over here?” “Do you like this?” “What about that?” “No, stay this time.” “We’re happy here.” And to my surprise recently, “Now Go.”  “Now Go,” she says. And my heart-mind-body says WHAT?? Go? and then it yells NOOOO! as I gaze into the jungle and watch the mist rise. And then the mist reminds me, as it disappears in a matter of seconds, that everything passes, and all things have their purpose and place. Sigh … so it is, so am I.

I’m writing this from the airport, on my way home to San Francisco, more than a month earlier than I imagined coming home. With a solid and grateful heart, and with an ear delicately tuned to my own soul’s whisper, I venture to the next adventure - home sweet California. Unforeseen and unwanted circumstances began this shift in itinerary, but, as with all soulful surrender, it has quickly shown itself to be the gift it actually is. My desire and passion for the freedom and lightness of a life less burdened has blossomed quickly and fully, so that I no longer have one foot out the door - I am all in! I am a full on YES to being the passenger as my soul leads me on the next adventure, experience, and evolution. I am a full on YES to listening to my soul with my whole heart. What else is there to do with this one precious life but listen to her? 

My plan is to return to Bali in a couple of months and live here for a while. I have left a number of things in storage to return to. But I am also aware that I never know now. Since the listening has begun, I really never know. What a pleasure! And what terror! I don't know what the fuck I’m doing!! But I am endlessly grateful for the opportunity to not know what I am doing, and to discover my soul’s longing a little bit more everyday.

See you soon, Bali! (I hope)